Don’t play the comparison game on social media. Too many filters is a recipe for serious unhappiness.
Dear Sister,
Filters on Instagram and Snapchat can be a thing of beauty. Or rather they can turn my lackluster photos into a thing of beauty for me. Who doesn’t thrill when they select a filter and the focal point of your photo comes into focus because brightness and contrast were automatically adjusted?
Filters have moved beyond adjusting lighting. It used to be that fashion magazines were known for adjusting people’s faces to make them look flawless. NOW everyone has access to this technology. We all have those friends whose profile pictures require study to determine if it’s them with a major filter or the sister you didn’t know they had.
One day on Facebook someone posted a disclaimer that she used an app to airbrush her pictures. She explained she used the app to feel more confident, but didn’t want to misrepresent herself. Wow! I appreciated the disclaimer, but you don’t see that very often. After her post I downloaded the app, because I was curious. It was free, so it didn’t feel like a risk. I uploaded a couple photos and played around with it. But here’s the thing. I couldn’t bring myself to post the pictures. I’ve used filters before, but never to that extent. It wasn’t me. For me, it felt dishonest to post something like that. So the photos weren’t posted.
So how are these digitally perfected faces on social media affecting us? I know I’ve felt the need to search for better skin care products and foundation in the past few years. And I’m sure it’s affecting me in ways I’m not always aware of.
Recently, something changed what ads Facebook thinks I want to see. I’ve gotten a lot of celebrity videos and makeup tutorials. Hmmm? I wonder what I clicked on to make them think I would want to see that. Previously, I got a lot teacher, knitting, and cooking targeted ads. So, I’ve found myself watching a few makeup demonstrations. Uhhh… I guess I don’t use a lot of makeup. It was crazy to see these young women sans makeup with natural imperfections, blemishes, round full faces transform themselves. They smear, blot, blend, and repeat until they look nothing like the face that started on the screen. First, who has time for all of those steps? And, why do these young ladies feel like they need to walk around like this?
Something in my head clicked. A lot of my insecurities about my looks were based on the wrong assumption that girls who walk around in that kind of makeup and who post pictures online with crazy filters start off looking more like the end product than they do like me. But guess what? When the makeup is wiped off and the filters fall away, they look like normal, imperfectly beautiful ladies.
With this realization, I need to work towards living with less comparison in my life. My goal is to feel comfortable in my skin. For me, that means wearing makeup when I go to work and out with friends, but probably not to run out for groceries and to the beach. Yeah, I’ll use filters to adjust to fix lighting issues and make things stylistically fun. But I will not airbrush my face to look like I’m on a magazine cover.
Balance is my solution. I know this will be an ongoing process. But ultimately, I know I’ll be happier if I quit comparing myself to other ladies who probably don’t look like that either.
If you’re struggling with comparison, and it’s making you anxious or uncomfortable with yourself consider doing the following:
TAKE A BREAK FROM THE SOURCE. Where are you bombarded with the most comparison? Do you need to mute a few accounts on your social media to reset? Find people who inspire you with their lives and follow them on social media instead. I like to follow authors on Instagram like Veronica Roth & Jenny Han.
Instead of buying a fashion magazine, try buying one that focuses on a hobby or has short stories. (Oh look, you can buy the anthology with my short story here! 😉 Sometimes, when we’re feeling uneasy it’s because we’re focusing on the wrong things. Stop the comparison game by focusing on topics that interest you.
PRACTICE LIVING LIFE FILTER-FREE. Purposely go without makeup (or at least light on makeup) once a week. Post a photo without any filters. Here’s a picture I posted on Instagram at the beach this summer sans makeup AND filters. Yikes!
CHANGE YOUR MINDSET. This is the most important. What is your goal in life, to have the prettiest face or prettiest soul? Beauty fades, so if our worth is wrapped up in our physical attractiveness, we’re guaranteed to lose. But if we invest in becoming better humans and sprinkling kindness around us, that’s an investment that lasts. If you have a bad skin day, don’t worry. That’s not what gives you value.
Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. I need to learn this, too.
Do you struggle with this? What do you do to combat the comparison game? Let me know in the comments!
Your big sister,
Mallary
XOXO
Such an important subject, Mallary! Thank you for tackling it. I often feel how you describe after a short session on social media, and even though I KNOW BETTER, it gets me often. I find myself watching those videos, clicking on those miracle face creams with only the purpose of separating me from my money and confidence, and damn those flipping body shapers! Its awful, and I think it get worse as I grow older—but truly shouldn’t it get better? Shouldn’t we feel more comfortable in our own skins as we age?
Thank you! I agree. We should be growing more comfortable in our skin, but it takes work. Thanks for sharing!